Carousel
by awkwardxconfused
Summary: It was an endless, sick loop.
1. First Spin

**I absolutely have no idea how I came up with this.**

* * *

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia and I'm a Celestial Spirit Mage." The blonde announced, her eyes fixated on the reflection in the mirror.

"I'm blonde and I have brown eyes." Her eyes narrowed, glaring at the dull image. "I love my keys and I treat them as family."

Her reflection gave her a taunting look.

"I like going on adventures." Her forehead was scrunched up in frustration.

The image remained passive.

"I worry about my rent all the time." She tried again, gripping the edge of the sink.

The reflection looked so done with all her shit.

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia, a Celestial Spirit Mage." She announced, this time with more determination.

The face remained unconvinced.

"I'm human." She glared at the mirror.

An eyebrow shot up.

"I exist." Her knuckles turned white from gripping the sink too hard.

The reflection morphed from an unconvinced face into a taunting one.

"I feel pain." The blonde grit her teeth as she punched the mirror.

"And I'm alive." She clenched her fist, ignoring the searing pain, in the form of mirror shards, which pricked her skin.

She watched the blood drip from her trembling fist. She lifted her head, risked a glance at the mirror, and sighed.

' _Yes, I'm alive._ ' She closed her eyes and walked out of the room.

She imagined her reflection giving her a taunting look from within its cracked prison.

* * *

 **And I don't know if I should continue this or what.**


	2. Second Spin

**Oh yay, another crappy chapter.**

* * *

Blonde locks fanned out around her head as she lay in bed.

She shivered. It was cold.

So so cold.

She felt empty.

She fingered the keys that lay beside her before picking it up and raising it high above her face, dull eyes studying every detail.

A slim finger ran over each key as she drank in each detail, every bump and curve. She had every single detail embedded into her mind; she practically knew her keys like the back of her hand.

The keys exuded warmth that the blonde so desperately wanted to absorb and feel.

She brought it down and held them above her heart, hoping that she'll be engulfed by the familiar feeling once more.

But she merely shivered.

All the warmth has left her body.

Sighing, she shifted in her bed until she faced the side of the window, her eyes glaring holes at the harmless wall.

She felt so lonely.

So afraid.

She wanted to be saved.

But she was afraid they'll end up hurt again.

She closed her eyes, feeling tears leaking out of her eyes.

And she fell asleep.

She drifted off into her nightmares, desperately clinging onto her memories of that day.

Not even the keys she clung to in her sleep brought the comfort she sought every time.

* * *

 **Why am I even writing?**


	3. Third Spin

**I'm at a loss for words**

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Once the blonde's breathing has evened out, a gold flash temporarily illuminated the room. After it disappeared, out stepped Leo the Lion, leader of the Zodiacs, concern flashing in his eyes.

Well, at least that's what the blonde wished to happen.

Instead of spirits opening up their own gates to provide comfort for their beloved master, the room was met with silence and emptiness.

Even in her sleep, the blonde could feel the emptiness creeping up at her.

She shivered. She turned. She seemed restless in her sleep.

And after some time, she opened her eyes.

Her brown eyes were dead and tired.

She sighed, staring at her keys longingly.

She shivered again.

It wasn't cold though.

No, it's summer.

But she felt cold.

She felt lonely.

So so lonely.

She missed the extra depression on her bed. The warm body and the tight hugs.

She missed the figures that loomed over her sleeping figure.

The ones that gave her warmth and eternal comfort.

But where were they now?

She missed them so much. And she can't move on.

She's stuck too deep in their memory.

And she's hoping to find the road to recovery.

* * *

 **This story sets a record for me. I've never written chapters this short.**


	4. Fourth Spin

**I finally have a vague idea of where this is heading and in what arc this is occurring in.**

* * *

How long has it been since then?

The answer to that was unbeknownst to the blonde.

How are they doing right now? Are they eating well? Are they doing alright?

She sighed. She sounded like a mother.

"Mother, huh…" She whispered, her words barely audible as they floated off into the vastness of the room.

She could feel her heart ache, and relief flooded her insides.

The pain had served as a reminder of her existence.

A reminder that in some twisted way, this so-called nightmare is now her reality.

How many times has this happened?

The blonde swore things were happening all over again.

The same things she's done, the same thoughts she's thought.

It was all the same.

It was either she didn't have a life (a bitter smile tugged at her lips at this thought) or this was all a loop.

It was confusing.

It frustrated her to no end.

The answer was so near, yet every time she gets closer she seems to be thrown back to the beginning.

Her doe eyes widened in realization.

She shot up from her bed.

Could it be…?

And before she could make any further movement, she dropped back to her bed.

Her eyes fluttered close and she was eventually engulfed in darkness.

* * *

 **But I won't be spoiling yet. Hopefully, this story will go the way I want it to.**


	5. Re:Spin

**Hm. I don't know.**

* * *

A groan made its way out of the curvaceous blonde's soft lips.

She sat up, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

Still a little disoriented and sleepy, the blonde slipped on a pair of fuzzy slippers and made her way to the bathroom, flicking the lights on as she did.

She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror.

Her disheveled form sent her cringing.

Sighing, she walked closer to the sink and opened the faucet. She watched a stream of water flow out from the faucet.

She blinked a few times before placing her hands underneath the faucet, letting the coolness of the water soak her hands.

She splashed water onto her face, hoping the cool droplets would wake her up.

She returned her gaze into the mirror, her likeness staring back at her with tired eyes.

She could feel the water make its way down her face, resembling tears.

And next thing she knew, warm liquid cascaded down her cheeks.

She didn't even know where the tears came from. She didn't even know she still had tears left to cry.

The combination of the warm and cool liquids meeting as they streamed down her cheeks felt weird to her, yet at the same time, it felt comforting.

Yes, it felt comforting to know her tear ducts haven't run dry yet.

She eyed the mirror through her bleary eyes, feeling her inner self slowly crumble upon the sight of her miserable state.

She took a deep breath, trying to find her resolve that came in the form of words.

Trying to find strength in the mantra that had become the foundation of her sanity, she faced her reflection eye to eye.

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia, and I'm a Celestial Spirit mage." She uttered, her voice trembling.

* * *

 **I don't know what to think of this story. Ugh.**


	6. Re:First Spin

**Clues. They're in there. And in the previous chapter too, if you noticed.**

* * *

She extended a hand and carefully stroked the smooth reflective glass that stood in front of her.

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia, and I'm a Celestial Spirit mage." She repeated the words, the feel of them on her tongue so foreign.

She held a few of her golden locks in her hand, inspecting them closely and cautiously, as if afraid they might fade too.

"I'm blonde and I have brown eyes." She muttered a little absently. "I love my keys and I treat them as family."

She could hear her voice fade. She trembled.

Her hands instinctively gripped the sink's edge. "I like going on adventures." She gulped.

"I worry about my rent all the time." Her voice sounded unsure.

She sighed once more, deciding to leave it at there and instead of continuing, she reverted to studying her features instead.

Her blonde hair was in its usual color, but it lacked the luster it used to hold.

She still held the same shade of brown in her eyes, but gone was the heart-melting warmth they usually contained. They were empty of the bright spark of life she usually held within those brown orbs.

A pale tint replaced her skin's usual glow. A tired look marred her cheery features.

She still looked (almost) physically the same. But she wasn't the same.

A sigh emanated from her lips. "What happened last night?" She wondered aloud, trying to recall the reason for her worn out self.

She withdrew her hands from the sink.

"I mean, this happens a lot. I usually wake up tired and all..." She started, the reflection in the mirror morphing into the bright person she used to be. "But why…"

She stopped, and then stared at herself in disbelief. "Why am I talking to myself like this?"

She sighed in exasperation. "I must be going crazy."

 _"You already are crazy."_ A voice taunted in her mind.

She turned away from the mirror. "I think I need to rest again."

* * *

 **Leave a review, maybe? No? Okay.**


	7. Re:Second Spin

**Hi.**

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The blonde lay dejectedly on her bed, eyes focused on the bare ceiling.

Her right hand absently played with her keys, slender fingers blindly tracing every detail of the key.

A blanket was lazily strewn over her curvaceous body, doing little to provide her much needed warmth.

She shifted, tugging at the blanket with her free hand in hopes of wrapping her whole body in the soft warmth-providing cloth.

But her efforts were futile as she still felt the needlelike chills pricking at her skin.

She closes her eyes, envisions the nights she used to spend lazing on flat ground or on the roof of her apartment, gazing at the large expanse of the sky spread out above her, filled with millions of twinkling stars.

Her lips form a small smile, and she remembers how her breath gets caught in her throat as she marvels at the beauty spread out across the skies. She remembers how her hands would subconsciously hold her keys closer, and she remembers how the keys would give off a soft gold glow and make her feel warm and safe, as if no harm could ever come upon her.

And for the slightest period of time, she feels warm.

She opens her eyes a few moments later, eyes gazing at the ceiling. She pictures the sky, a vast blanket of darkness dotted with shimmering spheres of plasma. She pretended to draw imaginary lines of glittering stardust, connecting stars altogether to form constellations, each name slipping out of her mouth with ease.

Her finger glided across empty space with ease, drawing out the patters of her keys. She stops once she reaches the sixth. And she falters.

Her voice hitches as she utters the name and she drops her arm.

The stars disappear and all that was left was darkness.

She rolls to her side, face half-buried in her pillows as she tries to hold back a sob.

She closes her eyes and desperately tries to repress the surfacing memories.

"Leo…" She sniffs, an image of the regal lion coming to surface. "I'm sorry."

She curls up into a ball; her face further buried into her pile of pillows, she tries hard to make herself disappear.

"I hope you're all safe." She mutters, as she slowly drifts to sleep.

* * *

 **I've been a lazy piece of shit lately.**


End file.
